New music, depression, etc
It’s somehow September again. It’s somehow Sunday again. If you’re a fellow Jewish person it’s somehow the high holidays again and holy shit how are you, my love?
(September. Again. Whoah.)
The leaves are starting to fall in Amsterdam, reminding me of my continued fascination with abscission.
the natural detachment of parts of a plant, typically dead leaves and ripe fruit.
Natural detachment. A beautiful two words.
Plants know how to do it.
(I wonder if they could lend me some tips.)
Or maybe I’m just too detached today. Hard to say.
(How am I, you ask?)
I’m so glad to be home and am feeling roughly the way Amsterdam weather looks today.
(Slightly gray sometimes
slightly sunny sometimes
slightly nothing sometimes etc.)
Slogging through a little depressive period to the best of my ability. I’m infinitely grateful to you for being here and reading every week. Because I am nothing if not committed and I like that I’ve done a ttalk every Sunday for nearly a year (!).
Structure helps. Depression or not, it means we get to stay here together.
And, despite my chemical imbalance playing major tricks on me, the fact is today is actually a very good day. A day on which I have wild news.
The wild news is that I finally have something sort of solid to share from this album.
(are you ready?!)
It’s a whole ass new song.
Remember when we talked about silver bullets? The lack of them, and my desperate continuing desire for them despite it all? We ended up recording the song a couple of months ago in Holland with an absolutely stunning string group. Ben Williams arranged the string parts and my favorite human being Tisha accompanied on bass and vocals.
The result, filmed in one take for Stingray Music, is below. Please like it, subscribe to my YouTube Channel, share it with your friends, all the things that help us as artists that we hate asking for.
I’m very proud of the video. But most importantly, I’m just kind of on the edge of my seat to hear what you think of the song.
It is called Silver Bullet (Song for Sima). When we recorded it, I had written the song that week. A very different recording will eventually appear on my album.
As for the song itself, we’ve discussed silver bullets. But we haven’t talked about Sima.
(So let’s fix that one quick.)
My dear friend Sima was smoking a cigarette in a dorm room the first time I met her.
Her hair, though a similar curl pattern to mine, was cut in a fabulous pixie cut that I could never in my life have the balls to imitate. She was a freshman at Barnard and I was a senior in high school. And she was, quite simply, the coolest fucking person I had ever laid eyes on.
If I’m flattering myself, I can say we look like sisters. Two Jewish ladies with big brains and curls and attitude. Sima has a bigger brain than me, and I like it that way. She is always growing. Always finding something new to learn. Always inspiring me and everyone else around her.
Here we are being bobis a couple of years before I stopped drinking. This was downstairs from an infamous party we used to love/hate in Harlem. At said party, an unbearably pretentious/also extremely genius piano player would play Bach in a pop setting and act like a Bob-Dylan-meets-2010s-renegade. When I sent this to her today, we learned that we both thought we weren’t cool enough for that party.
We were definitely cool enough for that party.
(I wish I could tell me from a decade ago that that guy was putting on a large show and that we were cooler than him because we weren’t putting on the show.)
Either way, Sima and my friendship has lasted past that party and many other things. Our wedding photographer did a truly dismal job at capturing any actual moments from my and jj’s wedding, but I’ll give him credit: He managed to grab a really spectacular one of me and queen Sima.
Man, I love that photo.
I have almost no friendships that have stood the test of time. Some of that is due to the aforementioned stopping of drinking, some of it is just my finicky personality, a lot of it is my former propensity for attracting fabulous narcissists who needed me to stay in the role of their sidekick.
But Sima and I have lasted and thrived.
I’m proud of that and I’m proud of this song. It is all 33 of my years in notes and words. It is painful and true and complicated and real.
And it gives me joy on joy on joy to share it with you first, my new friend. Let me know what you think or how you are or really anything you’re into these days.